For The Guy I Almost Loved

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Dear You,

I still remember the first second my eyes saw you. You were standing on a corner, laughing with your friends and I watched you closely while you fixed the sides of your hoodie. I still remember how you first said hello with the deep tone of your voice. I was mesmerized because you noticed me and I thought for that moment, you were the one and I had to have you.

You never forgot how much I liked the smell of your perfume so you made sure you put some before we went out. My heart always raised whenever you pulled the chair for me and it still never stopped when you held my hand even for the nth moment. I liked how you remembered every detail of my stories. I liked how you made sure I was not bored during your nights with your boys. I liked how much you saved my pictures no matter how ugly I looked. I liked all of those.

And that was the problem.

I kept on waiting for you. I was already too tired of the same routines because you never changed. You were still the same guy from day one and I honestly admit that it was not so bad but I got tired in the end. You only did things for me. You only showed everything through actions. Our kisses were passionate, your touches brought me to another world but there was something missing. It was something so important that it took me to questioning myself if we were actually real. You only let me like those things you did for me that you never at all tried to make me love them. I guess showing love through gestures were not really enough.

I need words. I needed to hear those three words and eight letters. I needed to know for sure how much I mean to you. But you kept silent. I was dead and so did my heart. In the end, my wings grew back and made me stop from falling. You were not able to catch me at all but I wanted you to. I just wanted you to be mine. But I guess you never really wanted me in return.

Why? Why was it so hard to tell me you love me? Why did you let me go away? Why didn’t you stop me? I thought we were supposed to hold on together so what happened with you and me?

Sometimes I wonder if I was just one of your girls… and it was too painful to even imagine the thought. I just needed you to pull me back and everything would have been beautiful.

We almost had what everyone was envious of. I’m sorry but this is for the best. I just hope that one day, you’ll realize how much I cared and in the end be able to find someone else you’ll probably say those magic words to.

Goodbye. I almost loved you.

Yours truly,

Me


Disclaimer: Some of my letters aren’t really addressed for someone. If by chance it is a true story, I apologize | Photo from tumblr

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